The past the present and the future

The Past-I was once a confident, accomplished woman who didnt need a man . Tragedy struck 4 year ago and i lost the relationship i had been building for the past 10 years. 

The present -Currently trying to traverse dating. its been so long i dont remember the rules. Do those rules even fit todays society. Do those rules still fit who i am as a person. Who am i today and what function does a relationship even fulfill in my life. Maybe i have too many questions to be answered in order for me to establish a new relationship. 

The Future- UNKNOWN- only god knows. 

The prayer for the present- Please clarify what a relationship would provide for me and help me establish new rules to fit the person i am today. 

Life After...

 Life after love

life after death

Love after love 

numbness after emotion

fear after the known 

 

its all so unknown. how can i go from an independant women to somoeone who has no clue about anything. ive spent so many years forming the dawn/paul identity that i never thought for one second about when it wasnt dawn/paul anymore. I couldnt bear that thought nevermind the fact that he was 48 and wasnt supposed to die that young. 
And here i sit at 53 years old some days feeling 25 and others feeling 83. The world is spinning around me and im just stuck in time waitin for things to get back the way they were but knowing full well they never well. 

Step 1- figure out who i am. i remember who i used to be, but im just not that person anymore.  The same Morals, ideal, beliefs and thoughts remain, however, they are more dulled and gray. My brain is like a computer and the one tab that is still open in the background keeps playing Creeds- whats this life for  although i stand firm in my belief of God and that he has a purpose for us all